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I have not been myself lately. Actually, this has been coming on for a few years. I just needed to start talking with my buddy,
Jim, the other day to help drudge this stuff out of the deep conscious.
What I am getting at is I feel as if my effectiveness in the church, the body of Christ, has taken a nose-dive. I can
point to a few reasons. I have been told these reasons enough times by leadership that I have started to believe them. My
leadership style needs some fine tuning; I need to learn better people skills; I need to submit more to God; I am selfish;
I don't fit in. Colonel Potter on M*A*S*H used to say, "Horse Pucky!"
I am a man. I am hot blooded. My blood boils when something is not right. I have not been able to put a finger on it until
recently. The church at large is in the midst of suffering from feminization.
Sure, there are men's ministries to immerse oneself in. More often than not, they are glorified breakfasts once a month
that do little more than help the program-based machine keep running smoothly. After all, you cannot have disgruntled men
in a family-oriented church. It upsets the apple cart too much at home (women).
Promise Keepers seemed to be the place for men to fellowship and confess their sins one to another. This was one movement,
and it seems to have dwindled in its effectiveness in recent years.
By and large, churches on both sides of the Calvin and Armenian issues have predominantly men in significant leadership
roles. This is not the issue though.
I know I am treading on thin ice with the evangelical community, but statistics do not lie. A significant majority of
church goers are female. This is a blanket statement to be sure, but the Oprah and Lifetime Network mentality has been at
our doorstep and leaking in for years.
When men are asked to choose an activity, like golf, football games, or sleeping in, versus attending a church service,
the majority choose the former. Why? There are many reasons, but the one main reason is that it can be as boring as watching
a dead animal move.
In an article I read at crosswalk.com titled "Why Some Men Don't Like Church", every inch of my frame jumped
in the air as I read the top 10 reasons. The church will allow the mamby-pamby nice guy into the realms of leadership circles,
as long as they seek to keep peace, to not offend (especially their sisters in Christ), and are humble servants...basically,
doormats to the chosen frozen.
This was hard to say. Yes, I am a guy. I am jaded by the hurts I have received from the so-called leaders, pastors that
were supposed to equip. I have failed and have also picked myself up again. I have learned my lessons only to repeat them
again. I have lived my entire life in the pews of good Bible-believing churches. I grew up in a Christian home. I was encouraged
to trust my leaders and not ask too many questions. Basically, as long as I did not rock the boat, things would be OK. Well,
I rocked the boat plenty. The church does not like pot stirrers. We are like lepers to the homogeneous clone-like structures
within the institutional church...those who rock the boat.
Rocking the boat is not a passion of mine. Truth is a passion. I do not enjoy having to make peace with a sister or brother
who is holier than thou. I am not perfect, nor anywhere close to it. Personality complexes infest many worship teams, for
example. This is where the enemy seeks to destroy his body. Ripping apart a church has happened more times than I care to
count anymore, and it will most likely happen again for me to witness.
I have made my share of mistakes and sinned against my brothers. I have also owned up to them. I am rough around the edges.
I have always been. I do know that God loves me, and I belong to Him. The church, however is a shade of what it should be.
For the most part, it is not a very strong witness here in the United States. Maybe my idealistic tendencies are creeping
in again.
The church, whether it be modern, post-modern, Catholic, Protestant, or whatever other denominational flavor of the day,
is boring for manly men. In most churches, a man is conditioned to not get angry...to keep it under wrap. There is nothing
bold about men being nice guys in church.
Until we stop catering to the minority feminist-laden Oprah's sitting in our congregations, the men will be just neutered,
wiped of all effectiveness as truly Godly men. We are told to lead by example. How do you lead, in your heart of hearts, as
a man in church where the Gospel message is watered down so as not to offend? The Gospel is offensive, not for nice guys to
take the lead, but bold men.
Too many men suffer from depression. Our anger, alcoholism, pornography, and stubbornness are to be handled quietly, or
not at all. We are told by our wives to shrug off the depression. "Just shake it off." "Get out of your funk."
The church has become ineffective with helping men deal with "the dark night of the soul". Seminaries push out pastors
equipped to start mega churches or become part of them, and move towards seeker-friendly preaching, all the time while looking
at the statistics to raise their membership totals. They are great at alliteration and 3-point sermons. Just as long as the
almighty dollar keeps supporting the storehouse, I mean the institution, everything will be great.
It is all bunk. I can only generalize for myself. I am simply an observant these days. What I see is what I have shared.
My wife says I make excuses for myself. I almost agreed until I read that article and talked with a friend recently.
In my heart of hearts, I know that I have been rendered ineffective by a wimpy version of the Gospel, basically by the
leaders of the institution. I am pissed off because in order to serve, I have to take the mentality of a doormat under the
feet of feminist mumbo-jumbo. I tried it my former pastor's way. I really did humble myself. I was left with nothing in the
end, not because God took it away, but because the church is ill-equipped to deal with men who do not measure up at appeasing
the women of the congregations. We cannot offend them. They are the weaker vessels you know.
I read a book by Spencer Burke, "Making Sense Of Church", a few years back. This was my undoing, as well as
my awakening. I know that God loves me for who I am, rough edges and all. He created me this way. I do not want to be ineffective
again. I will serve again, but I will not be the nice guy. There is a saying about nice guys. If it means I have to stand
my ground for the sake of a bold gospel, then I will. If I have to mince words with a feminist, who does not know she or he
is one, then I will.
The church is losing men because you can only go so far with your tail between your legs neutered. Give me a book any
day like Ecclesiastes to sink my teeth into. It is best served with a side of depression and a heart pleading for God to intervene.
Article - Why Some Men Don't Like Church
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